On day 3 I gave another Irene another chance. This Irene was the Jewish History teacher that I had on the first day of school. After my second class with her, I was amazed by her gentle and precise way of teaching and her understanding for my situation. I also was aware that in order to be in her classes I would have to write a total of 25 pages. Now that seemed unreal, but I felt like I had no other choice.... so I did it. I remember sitting in the first classes and thinking... man I can't wait until the last class when I can understand everything that is being said...
Now after having finished all of my classes with Irene, I had to admit to myself that even though I did not understand everything that was said in the last class, I understood the majority... and that is a HUGE accomplishment for me.
Today marked a big day for me. Today at 4 a.m. as a matter of fact... You can call me a procrastinator or whatever you will, but I like to think that I just work better under pressure! Today at 9:30 a.m was my deadline for my 25 pages. And today at 4 am I met my goal, but not without help. The task that my German Irene gave me seemed impossible. She made my situation a LOT better when she announced that I could write 15 of those pages in English.. WHEW!! But I still had 25 pages to write to an expert on the topic I was assigned.
If I said I suffered from a severe case of self doubt, I would not be giving it justice. Now... this is not an issue in all parts of my life, but when it comes to school... I am not the most confident of people. Writing is the worst!!! Now, as most of you realize, writing in this blog is not what I am referring to, because here (as everyone clearly has noticed) I don't care about grammar, punctuation, or spelling and I am the master of the topic. In school, however, I never feel prepared when I sit down to write. I never feel like I know enough to make a claim, and therefore I always get my papers back with a comment like: "what is your thesis? what is your claim?" You would think four years of writing papers would have taught me something, but it hasn't! And when I sat down to write this past month, all that kept going through my head was... she knows everything there is to know about this topic... so is this claim really supported? If I back up everything with the stuff from the books, isn't that plagiarism?? Someone has clearly written a book on this topic, so am I supposed to just retype it?
As you can see, the past month was not very fun for me. Actually, I think that the pressure and the knowledge of the deadline approaching has kept me leaning towards a negative mood for over 2 months. But every time I panicked, my favorite Irene back home said, "do what you can! It doesn't really matter!" Every. single. time. If you know me well, then you know that I easily freak, panic, and complain... they are my go to reactions (an issue I am trying to work on). My family has used the term dramatic and extreme to describe my personality... When something is good, it's AWESOME and the BEST THING EVER, but when something is not so good, it is the WORST and HORRIBLE. It's pretty funny actually... the person that truly made me realize this was Adam. Last summer after a few days hanging out he started pointing out things I said. My go to lines seem to be:
If such and such thing happens then I would:
a. freak out
b. just pee myself
c. just throw up
d. just cry
e. just die
f. jump like crazy
g. love you forever
h. kill myself
etc, etc, etc.... You get the picture! This isn't too bad (at least I don't think... you should ask the people that are around me a lot, I guess) when I like things, but with writing... it becomes sort of a problem!!! Anyway.... getting back on topic... (see, I'm no good at this!)
For the past weeks, I have had MANY moments where I call my favorite Irene and let her calm my nerves. Due to her help, I wrote 25 pages... Let me be clear... that's actually 35 pages in the US because it is not double spaced here (just 1.5)! She read, she proofed, she laughed, she advised, and most importantly she listened! All while you know... working and living her own life on the other side of the planet! I have the best mom in the world!
Side note: (get it?? it's on the side!)
I also have one of the best friends ever...
My friend Sarah not only helped
me with my research for a presentation
I did last week, but she also worked
on my bibliography for my
papers as I typed away into the night!
I also have the best sister ever who
proofed the first pages on my 15 pager.
Oh! And the best thesis adviser and
friend EVER (yes Blake, you!) who volunteered
to read and proof my horrendous
German essay!
I couldn't have done it without them!!!
Today at 9:38 I turned in my papers to German Irene. I was panicked, knowing that even though my papers were done, they were nothing near my best work... The German one still lacks coherence and perhaps a guiding thesis ... and the English one... well lets just say it was REALLY not my best work. After exactly 3 words, my German Irene made it ok. She didn't really say much but her patience and understanding rung through. I wanted to post this tonight because I don't want the grade that I get on Wednesday to change what I say about her. She has made a HUGE impact in my research and has broaden my knowledge in more ways than I can express. I think I'd be ready to take a D! (NOT REALLY, lets get real I can play cool but its 6 hours worth of classes!)
My two awesome Irenes have led me to accomplish a lot more than I thought was possible in the last 4.5 months, and I am eternally greatful!
As for the rest of my journey with German academics... 4 more classes and I have a huge and impossible German Grammar final on Wednesday that will surely make me pull some hairs... but after a 3 hour nap today and some delicious sushi, I am in GREAT spirits and ready to go!! After all.... MAIA GETS HERE IN LESS THAN 4 days!!! And that is amazing!
No comments:
Post a Comment