The mind is such an incredible thing... you give it time and it fills it. You give it silence and it flies. The past 4 months have been the most incredible gift for my mind. I am so used to the rushing, the running, the stressing, and the schedules that make up my life at home, that I forget what silence and time do for my mind. Being almost alone in a new place has taught me so much. Until this semester, I had never really lived alone (without roommates), been stuck inside because of a hurt foot, or had to manage my time and research without having to report to anyone. It has taught me so much.
Being in my room, Starbucks, or any other corner of this world alone has taught me to appreciate the little moments that we witness each day. Although I have been chased daily by my books and blank pages that need to be filled with historical facts and analysis, the chase has allowed me to witness so many precious moments. Whether it is looking up from my computer to catch a glimpse of the moon's reflection on my window or waking up to the choir of birds outside my window, I am repeatably at awe of my surroundings. My mind just tries to take the beauty in.
My days are sprinkled with little inspiring acts of kindness that occur everyday in Potsdam and Berlin. I have seen a man offer to help a young mom carry a child and her stroller up the stairs, I have seen women making small talk with bored kids on the train, I have seen tired citizens gladly carrying on a conversation with a homeless man that was clearly in need of interaction, and I've seen countless people going out of their way to help struggling stranger on the street. Although there are constantly more and more horrifying and saddening things reported daily on the news, these people easy my mind and assure me that no matter how different we all are, there are sprinkles of kindness everywhere.
The long walks, bus rides, and trains also are decorated with voices of all sorts. I have heard a mother explaining to her children in German why the monument to honor the Holocaust survivors exists and I also heard the 6 year old child respond with an incredibly sad face, "so Hitler did that too?" I have heard a dad playing with his child and teaching him how to use the bus. I witnessed the streets full of happy teenagers enjoying the beginning of their break and filling every moment of silence with stories about the last days of school. The trains entertain me by providing the accounts and first impressions of the city by people from all over this world. My mind plays with the bits of conversations I hear and I imagine the lives and experiences that led to these opinions.
Then come the minutes of silence, the minutes that are supposed to be spent on work, and that is where my mind shuts down. I have sat working longer than I wished, and every time I get stuck I get more and more mad at myself for not being out experiencing things outside my studies. My self imposed expectations, fears, and nerves make everything stop flowing and I'm stuck. Why can't I just write? Why do I care so much about what the person reading my final paper will think? I certainly don't worry about that when I write here!!! Can't I just get it done, I am already wasting my time abroad! As time passes, I start to get more and more disappointed. My mind was used to hard work and my busy schedule at home, but my mind was also used to this concentration taking place with breaks of friends and family. My current location, however, does not allow for short breaks of interaction with friends. Here, in order to see people, it has to be planned and coordinated with bus and train schedules... so without losing 1 to 2 hours, human contact for a break is out of the question. This predicament let me to an incredible appreciation for the people in my life.
If I think of the support I have gotten from my friends and family since I got here, it really brings me to tears. Every time I needed to talk to get my mind back on track, to work through an idea, to resolve a problem, to ask a question, or simply to talk.... someone was there. My parents have listened to countless stories and distracted me when my mind was just too tired of thinking. In the past two months, I have friends that noticing that I am under stress to finish everything, make it a point to call me or message me daily to just catch up and distract me for a few minutes. They send me messages reminding me that the end is near and constantly remind me how excited they are for me to come home. They know me well enough not to even consider judging me for staying inside to study and write while being abroad. They support me and laugh with me. There is nothing more heartwarming and calming than being reminded by the people that love me that these grades and papers don't really matter . There's nothing more amazing than getting messages from people I haven't spoken to in years that follow and encourage me through my blog. I am so grateful for you. My mind is grateful, because if it wasn't for you, it would be too preoccupied to notice the little things. If it wasn't for you, it would have been impossible to make it through all of the newness that goes along with studying abroad. I learned a long time ago that distance shows you what you truly have, and in my case it has made me immensely aware of the incredible people that I love and how much I appreciate them. Thank you for your constant support these months and know that I love you all so very much.
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