A Trip Down Memory Lane Leading to Sanity

Man oh man... I never thought my blog would end up here.  But after this week... it's the only thing I thought to do. This rambling mess of words is for me, for my sanity.  I'm just using this blog to gather my thoughts and understand why I feel like this.... and where I go from here...

The purpose of this blog over the years has been to keep my family and friends in the loop as I chased my grandmother's story across the globe.  All for one thesis... at least that is what I told myself. I always wanted to know my Oma's story, and after she died, I realized I had to chase her words on pieces of paper to find myself back to her.  Her story.  A sad story.  An inspiring story.  Her pain. Her journey back to joy. Her strength.  Her legacy.

Now, years after finishing my thesis, I'm back here again.  It has been rough the past couple of months... and it's been scary.  It has been really scary.  I think most of the fear started over a year ago, when I started seeing the research I did for my thesis happening before my eyes...  Fear.  Blame.  Hate.  Three words that in history have only led to horrible things.   They were back, they are real.  Did we not learn? 

And then... this week.  How do I explain the craziness that has been my brain this week? Tears.  Lots of them.  Fear. Lots of it.  Frightened friends and family.  Lots of them. Numbness. Lots of it.  Hope. Lots of it. 

It's hard for me to rationalize what has happened. I know that for some, it was just an election. They wanted change and they were able to ignore the hatred and believe that this step is a step towards a better tomorrow.  I know that's why they voted this, at least I have to believe that... because I love some of these people, and because the result of their choice left a lot of us really scared.  The "other" is really scared.  See... I've always been the "other," I've never really been part of the "us."  People around me might disagree, but it's the reality.  And it was the reality for my Oma.  In Germany, she was the Jew.  In Uruguay, she was the German immigrant.  In the U.S., I am the Uruguayan immigrant, in Uruguay I am an emigrant. That is my reality.  

My reality has put me and many others in a strange place.  I sound like the "us," I act like the "us," I might even look like the "us." But deep down, I know I'm not.. and the "us" knows I'm not.  That is the reality for a lot of people today, in the US and abroad. This year, what voters might have written off as "one time slips of the tongue" during a heated campaign, to me and the "others" have felt like unexpected stabs in the back.  Why? Because, we feel like part of the "us".... Our bubbles consider us a part of the "us," so we believe it...  In reality, we should all just be an "us" right? We are all just people.... But we are no there yet in this world... maybe one day, but not today. Outside our bubble, that is just not true... 

So I'm afraid... I'm afraid reading the news of hate crimes spreading through the nation the way they have many times in history.  I'm afraid, because I know it's hard to understand my fear.  I get it... I know it's hard to walk in someone else's shoes... They don't always fit and they are sometimes incredibly uncomfortable and painful.  But these are my shoes, and I can't actually take them off.... As groups were blamed and degraded this year, I cringed and thought... no one actually thinks this way... it won't work... the fear won't work...  and then I laid in bed awake thinking of these words:   

"First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—

Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— 

Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— 

Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me."

These words have hurt... These words exist because we struggle to try on someone else's shoes.  This is what happens.  We listen and wait, and history happens again. So we didn't learn, and now, this is reality  So what now? 

I am choosing to believe that the fear campaign was just a tactic.  I am choosing to believe that this too shall pass. I am choosing to believe that there is a greater plan for progress for all people in America.  I am choosing to put faith in the good people of this world, the people that will fight for the universal "us."  I have to believe that good will prevail.... And THAT is what brought me here to this blog and to Oma.  

This world has been through such horrible times.  We have seen genocides, wars, famines, and more... and our ancestors have pushed through.  They fought, they worked, they believed, and they survived (physically or in spirit).  They are our history.  They are what teaches us how to do this.  Oma is my guide.  I know that my fear and situation does not come close (not by a million miles) to what she an her family went through, and I don't mean to insinuate that it does... but I know that her life, her legacy teach me the strength to deal with my shoes. Her words and the words of many who came before us,  her stories, and her letters are my source of  peace, Her legacy teaches me how to look at today and fight for a better tomorrow.  Her legacy teaches me how to strive to treat the people around me in a way that ensures that they never feel like the "other" in my life.  Her legacy teaches me to breath and chose understanding.  Her memory led me here... and I think I'll be back again to make sure that I stay on this path and  remind myself of her legacy. I will not stay down.  The sun will rise, and so will I.

“I believe in the sun

even when it is not shining

And I believe in love,

even when there’s no one there.

And I believe in God,

even when he is silent.

I believe through any trial,

there is always a way

But sometimes in this suffering

and hopeless despair

My heart cries for shelter,

to know someone’s there

But a voice rises within me, saying hold on

my child, I’ll give you strength,

I’ll give you hope. Just stay a little while.

I believe in the sun

even when it is not shining

And I believe in love

even when there’s no one there

But I believe in God

even when he is silent

I believe through any trial

there is always a way.

May there someday be sunshine

May there someday be happiness

May there someday be love

May there someday be peace….”

- words from a Jewish prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp

NYC Survivor: Brought to you by Credit Card Fraud

Ok, so I promised I would blog in the event that something interesting happened.... and yesterday, it did!  So for the past 2 weeks, I've been stretching my groceries trying to avoid going to the store.  Making use of what I had.  Yesterday, I decided a trip was a must... Soooo off I went!

After walking around with a cart full of watermelon, arugula, pita, baguettes, cheese, etc... My phone conversation is interrupted by another.  Since I didn't know the number, I hung up and picked up.  Turned out to be some automated woman telling me all about how she could lower my interest rate. Blah blah blah... I hung up and then saw I had a text from a strange number... And there were the magic words,

"Hi, it's the fraud department, we see some fishy transactions. Are they yours?"  My reaction... "Um, NO!"  So I texted back no, and they texted back "Ok, card has been blocked." Ummmm....OK! Thanks technology for catching the crook trying to steal my money!!!! I immediately called the bank to ask what my next steps were... and the lovely lady informed me that indeed the transaction had gone through but had also been reversed, which meant... they had my numbers.  Oh GREAT!!!

Soooo what next? "Well, we block your card and send you a new one!" Well, I'm kinda living out of town.... Sooo can you send it here? "Sure, no problem"

Ok, cool. That was fast... I was still standing by the cereal at the supermarket.... Oh shoooot! I don't have my credit card or check book... Nope.  Just me and a cart full of stuff and no way to pay for it... GREAT! 

Soooo I put back most of my things and walked out.  UGH.  I was sooo mad/shocked... All I could think was.. I should NOT have paid for my metro card with my debit card today!!! Thanks a lot grand central! Then I thought.. maybe it's from an online purchase.  Ugh. Who knows!? In a way I just felt like my privacy had been violated, and... that I would have to trek back to the grocery store with my credit card.  UGH.  It had already been a long day!  And also... having never actually used my credit card, I wondered if it was activated/worked.  At that point, I didn't even think about the checks... I just thought... DARN IT! Why don't I ever carry cash!!!!

After getting back home I decided I wouldn't risk going to the grocery store and trying out the credit card.  Instead, I made a decision.  I WILL MAKE IT until my card gets here WITHOUT buying one small thing.   No worries, I have checks and the credit card if I get into issues... BUT, I've made my decision, It'll be a fun challenge and at the same time, a way to appreciate how easy I have it.  Everything comes  at the swipe of one card.  Seems a bit too easy!

So here I go, on my survivor challenge.  As of right now, I have rice, pasta, crackers, a table spoon of goat cheese, Lipton tea bags, a frozen banana, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper, honey mustard dressing, some jam, vanilla ice cream, and a bit of cereal...  Well.... that was until I went searching... and found some oatmeal, some corn meal,  and a can of soup!! I will return them to the apartment owners after my card is in my hands, but for now! I'll make it work! 

Tonight's dinner involved broiling some Alfalfa sprouts I had and eating them on my crackers, it turned out to be a hit! So no complaining here!!!


I'm kind of really excited about this, which is why I wanted to share!! Other than this, I have a CPA review book and a house hunting battle that is defeating me at the moment, SOOOO a challenge is fun! Call it a summer diet or whatever you want,  but I think it'll help me appreciate what I have!   And I'm pumped!

Tears of Pride from Queens

You know that moment when you're so happy for someone that you just burst into tears?  That happened twice today.  In public.

Right after writing my previous post,  I headed to Grand Central Station to meet Adam and Marion.  We headed to Queens and found "La Gran Uruguaya" full of Colombians watching the game.  They were so happy and SOOO loud.  My nerves calmed down a bit, knowing that no matter what, we were in for a treat.  We got a table for 6 and were joined by two ladies from somewhere in Central America.  They were very sweet and we chatted in Spanish.  We offered them some of the "parillada" (LOTS OF MEAT) we had ordered and they shared their sangria.

A crowd watches the Colombia game outside a pharmacy (on a big screen)

The first of many flags we saw in Jackson Heights, Queens  (with Adam)

Outside of Gran Uruguaya with Marion before the game

La Gran Uruguaya

La Gran Uruguaya

Fans of all ages

La Gran Uruguaya

La Gran Uruguaya

At La Gran Uruguaya with Adam

La Gran Uruguaya --- FOOD

La Gran Uruguaya

La Gran Uruguaya with Marion and Adam

Y la Celeste me regalo un Sol! 

Post game at La Gran Uruguaya

Well... Then... the game started.... And the nerves quickly returned.

All I wanted was for Suarez to get a chance to show what he could do.  I quickly saw that we looked WAAAYYY better than against Costa Rica.  The old legends didn't start, and Suarez got some help from young ones.... Then.... he scored.  I jumped up and tears started rolling down my face.  All I could think about was Suarez's crying face at the last game, knowing he had felt so helpless from the bench.  All I could see was Suarez getting wheeled out of the hospital 28 days ago after knee surgery. And now... he was crying for another reason, and Maia was there to see it.   He got his chance! And it was beautiful.  The rest of the half was ok... just me nervous as could be.

Second half... I could see us losing it.  I knew they would score, and they did.   I suddenly knew it could all be over in a few minutes.  And then... Pereira was laying on the ground.... Not moving.   He was hit in the head and was just laying there.  I'm pretty sure he was unconscious for a second, laying there, while his teammates tried to get him to move. They hurried to him and he struggled off the field.  As soon as his sub was getting ready to warm up, Pereira started complaining.  He fought.  He wanted to keep fighting for the team.  He didn't care that he had just been unconscious... he wanted to fight.  And he went back in.   At that moment, it all came rushing back.    This is why I love it.  Because they will risk anything for this team... Suarez his knee... and this man... his everything.

And then.... SUAREZ.   He scores again.  He kisses his three fingers (for his wife, daughter, and son) and then... the players are on top of him.   He's crying.  I'm crying so hard that I can't stop.  He did it.  This was his chance.  And just like that.... he was on the ground being carried off in a stretcher.  I missed what happened, and I hope he's ok.  He cried and hugged the players on the bench, knowing there was still time on the clock... But he had done it.  Two goals and Uruguay was ahead.  AND URUGUAY WON.  No one thought it would happen, and it did. And after arriving to Queens in the rain, I looked out to see the Sun.  As the soccer song in Uruguay goes.... "Celeste regalame un sol" (Celeste (the national team) please give me the sun)

The restaurant went crazy... "SOY CELESTE, SOY CELESTE, CELESTE SOY YO."  The ladies sitting at the table were so sweet and congratulated us.  It was amazing.  People outside started honking and we all went out to celebrate.  There were flags, strangers honked by, it was magic.  Next door, we went into the "panaderia" to get sweets and buy a Uruguay flag... the cheers just continued.  It was unbelievable...

And just like that....
Maia got to witness her dreams come true.  From the stadium.
Suarez got the spotlight he deserved.
Uruguay's 3.5 million got to scream together in harmony, through the tears and the smiles.
The team left their hearts on the field, and watched their hard work payoff.

And just like that... I got to once again see how blessed I am to have such incredible people in my life that know what means the world to me and support me from near and far.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  And if you don't believe me about how amazing and supportive everyone is, here are a few examples of what I received today!

From a friend in Oxford, MS

From a friend in Ecuador

From a friend in Peru

Maia in Sao Paulo.  This guy used to be dad's student in Uruguay.  He ran into her and said, "remember me?"

From a friend in Germany

Mom's cupcake for friends at home from Portugal, Brazil, England, Germany, Mississippi, Venezuela, etc

Friends watching it at home

Friend from Oxford, MS

Friend from Oxford, MS

Friend from Oxford, MS

Friend from Durant, Oklahoma

Friend from Durant, Oklahoma

Friend from Oxford, MS

Uruguay, My Pride and Joy

Hello friends! It's been a while! Since my last post, I've graduated and moved to the big city!!! I am currently living the glamorous life of studying for a CPA, which includes 10 hour study days.  It's a blast! 

I decided, when I moved at the beginning of June, that I would not blog... since this isn't really trip, it's just my new life in NYC.  Everyday life isn't really exciting enough for me to blog about, especially now (with the CPA exams coming up). But since I've been up here, many have asked when I would start blogging.... I kept saying that I wouldn't, until today.... Why today?  Because I've spent the past two days sick to my stomach in nerves, because I teared up on the subway on my way to Chinatown,  and because I raced through crowds all over the city today in search for a flag and a sky blue jersey.  No.... I'm not crazy... at least not crazier than before.  It's just that today Uruguay plays England in the world cup... and... my sister is at the stadium to watch it.  

Many of you probably will stop reading right now, since you couldn't care less about soccer or the world cup, but for those who won't stop, let me try to share my rationalization for my madness these past few days.   Excuse my rambling, but as I get ready to go watch the game, I want to capture what I'm feeling right now.  The next post will be a recap of my experience. 

Uruguay... oh Uruguay.  3.5 million people... It's not a patriotic country, and I would go as far as to say that it isn't a very proud country.  But I am very proud of it.  4 years ago, I sat with around 30 of our friends in Oxford, Mississippi... screaming, crying, complaining loudly as Uruguay shocked us all and placed 4th in the world cup.  We just expected them to win one game.  All I really wanted was for people to recognize "Uruguay," when I said where I was from... I just wanted Uruguay to have a name for itself amongst people that are otherwise not geographically conscious.   After the world cup, I found that this was exactly the effect that La Celeste had... I attended countless leadership conferences around the country for accounting, and everywhere I would introduce myself and when Uruguay was mentioned they would mention either Forlan or Suarez's handball.   To be honest, it was the most wonderful feeling, to know that people knew a little bit about where I came from....  It might sound dumb, but after being gone for so many years, it's nice to find any sort of connection that takes you back.  

Since the world cup, Uruguay has been all over the news.  Legalizing marijuana, legalizing gay marriage, having a president that donates his salary, accepting released prisoners from Guantanamo, and much more.  Every time we are in the news a friend sends me an article.  It's amazing, both because there is an article and because my friends continue to think of me when they see anything about Uruguay.  Sooooo... why care today?  why lose sleep?  why continually tear up with nerves? 

Well, the most obvious reasons:

- Maia is at the game and I know it would mean the world to her to see a good match and a happy crowd and a triumphant Celeste!

- It is finally Suarez's time.  He has been hated, booed, and hated some more.  As a kid, he fought to become good enough to play in Uruguay so he could chase the girl of his dreams to Spain.  He succeeded, they are married, and they have two kids.   He has continually proven himself by becoming the highest scorer in the European leagues (even though he was suspended for a LOT of his games).  This was his shot to become the star... and then... he had knee surgery.  No one thought he would play.. and he watched with tears in his eyes as Uruguay fell to Costa Rica.  Today... he will play.   Today, he will get to play for the first time since surgery.  I want him to have his time to shine.... but I'm scared he'll get hurt.  I'm nervous it's not worth risking his knee... I'm scared he'll be disappointed... when really this was his year! 

- I worry the team will be crushed.  They have been such a shining example of charity for Uruguay, that I want them to get something back.  They have led by example and dedicated much of their time as a team to helping others.  These are not guys that came from fancy challenge teams and played the big bucks for the best coaches.   These are guys who got here from nothing.  They grew up in no name towns in a tiny country.   They had nothing and they worked soooo hard to get here.  I'm not saying other countries and other players didn't... but this is my home and I've seen many struggle there... working hard and never getting recognized.  So I want them to... I want them to get their time together and enjoy as a team.

- Most importantly, I know that there are over 3 million people suffering with me.  Worrying about how their children will feel if we lose, trying to keep the hopes up... At this point, I'm sure the majority of you are thinking that I've completely lost my mind... after all it's just a soccer game, right?!?  Well... for Uruguay, it's a time to unite together and root for the same things.   In a country that is divided by socioeconomic conditions, by local soccer teams, by politics, and much more... it's nice to unite and fight to cheer as a whole.  There's no baseball or hockey or anything else to distract anyone.  EVERYONE will be watching.  EVERYONE will be hoping.  And I don't want these people to lose their smiles and fall back into the pessimistic views we had before the last world cup.  WE.  I don't want Uruguay to stop feeling like a unified WE.  

Now I have other reasons that might make even less sense to you guys...  Especially if you're from the states.  Patriotism is natural here and runs rampant.  But it's not like that in Uruguay.  And I didn't grow up with that... so it's hard for me to explain why I'm so proud of my little country, especially to people who only think of it as this 3rd world country in the middle of nowhere.  The truth is... that this little country is the reason I'm alive and the reason my mom's alive.  If it weren't for this little country... my grandmother's family would have probably been killed by the Nazis.  So it seems silly that I struggle to put into words why I love it so much.  The world cup gives me a reason to share my love for the country that saved my family with friends that are removed from that part of my life.  

My family is soooo lucky to have the most incredible friends all around the world.  And during these games I feel them incredibly close, because they all reach out to send their well wishes.  No matter their nationalities, no matter their loyalties.  Soccer brings us together.  At my house today, there will be americans, Germans, Venezuelans, Portuguese,  Brazilians, Spanish, and who knows what else... all coming together with mom and dad to root for Uruguay.  Maia... in the middle of the stadium found a friend of dad's from Uruguay.  He approached her and said, "remember me?."   Me in the middle of New York city will head to Queens to watch in the Uruguayan bar, accompanied by two of my best friends (Americans).  We have friends wishing us luck from Germany, Spain, Mexico, Ecuador, you name it.... It doesn't matter today.  They are friends, and they know that it matters to us. And that is what la Celeste does in my life... It brings me closer to people that are so far and so near.  It makes me realize how lucky I am... Win or lose, I will have friends that would have never watched a soccer game before, watch nervously and text me constantly.    They care... for 90 minutes, they care about my little country as if it were their own.  And for that... I am so grateful.  That is what makes me tear up... It's  the realization of what 11 people with a soccer ball can do for people's lives... So today, as I sit nervously on the subway to Queens... I'm grateful for La Celeste and I'm nervous because I want them to have the happiness that they bring me.   Win or lose, I'm so proud of our little country.   

NYC -- The Kindest City

I have yet again stumbled upon some gold.  I don't know how it happened, but I know I've found it.  Somehow I am surrounded by people who inspire me to be a better person. Somehow, this week I became even more aware of the kindness that surrounds me.

I have already spoken about my incredible living arrangements, but the peace of the apartment and the hospitality of my roommate have made the late nights pleasant.  No matter the time, I know that I will walk in to a friendly face offering me food or tea to make my late nights at work a little more enjoyable.

The truth is that the late nights of work haven't been bad at all.  And that is only due to the incredible people I work with. They really are some of the kindest people I've ever met.   You know the amazing feeling when you look around and the people around you amaze you and make you think... Do I treat people like this? Would I have their patience? Would I be this considerate.  They keep in mind the fact that everyone around them is fighting a battle of their own. Therefore, they make sure that they do not cause any extra stress, grief, or problems.  It's truly amazing, and it became obvious this week.

My week started at the firm.  In the usual conference room with the 11 to 12 other people that sit in there.  I brought in the cookies and everyone was thrilled to have them.  It was a slow morning, but everyone was chatty and as friendly as ever.  From Tuesday to Thursday, I was at the client site with the 5 other guys that work there from the firm.  I had sat there 3 days last week, so they knew me and were incredibly sweet to me.  The kindness started at the entrance to the building. 

Since I do not have a pass to the client's building, I have to stop at the door, present my ID, and one of the 6 men working the front desk has to check the list to see that my name is on it.  I had done this last week, so I was very familiar with the process, and I knew which guy was assigned to my floor. I went straight to him. He recognized me and said, "you're back! I need to start remembering your name!" And then he quickly searched through the list.  Of course... my name was not on it, but he called upstairs and gave me the pass.  While we waited, he asked me about the Super Bowl and whether I thought it was getting warmer out or not. Super nice! And everyday after, he didn't even ask for my name. Such a great way to start a day... a friendly face always ready to chat.

Then I head upstairs to the conference room with 5 guys under the age of 25.  The whole team has the driest most hilarious humor.  I spend my days holding back tears while I work, because I'm laughing so hard... Now just picture that humor in a tiny room and with only 5 guys and me.  It was hilarious.  At the same time, however, they were so considerate and kind.  Everything they thought of that I could need or want to learn, they included me.  They were so encouraging and inclusive... I was shocked beyond words.  Even among themselves, they messed around, but most of all they helped each other, focused, got the work done, and encouraged the team.  No one stressed about the daunting deadlines that occurred this week and they made sure that everyone was happy while working.  If someone needed help, they immediately dropped everything and helped.  If someone needed encouraging words about something they kept messing up, they came with ease. They are not paid to do this, no one told them to do this to impress the lowly intern.  I'm pretty sure if they had been told to do it, they wouldn't know what people were talking about.  They are just 23 and 24, it's clear that they act just like they would if they weren't at work.  It's so absolutely lovely to watch.

On Thursday night, the team celebrated the press release with a group karaoke outing. All 30 + members were there.  Again, kindness shone through. There is one guy who is from India and is here on rotation until April. When some of the girls asked him if he was going, he quickly said no, because he didn't know the words to most songs.  The girls quickly assured him that the words would be on the screens, and convinced him that it would be a blast.  He ended up coming, and just like the rest of us, he had a blast.  We had a room to ourselves, like 8 screens with lyrics, and a whole lot of fun. As we walked out of the building Friday night after work, I asked him if he had fun and he said, "it was amazing, it was one of the funnest nights of my life." Ok... maybe that could have something to do with the fact that after karaoke at like midnight, the guys took him out... but still. Every hour of every day the team checks on him to make sure he's ok.  During his first snow here, they all made sure he had a coat and boots that would keep him warm.  During our lunch hour they took him to get a cell phone, they helped him with the move, and they constantly make sure he's ok.  Now, again, this is not an order from above... this is just them caring.  They ask about his home, about his family, and about his culture with honest interest.  It's inspiring.

Work makes up 90% of my week, but the kindness in people reaches outside my work environment as well.  Working until 11 or midnight cuts into any possibility of meeting people for dinner or anything, but people from home that now live in the city continually keep me posted on things that are going on.  They know that the answer is likely to be no, yet they keep inviting me and including me.  It is just sooooo nice!

Basically, with the repetitive routine that is work... I have found it amazing to be surrounded by such incredible people.  They continually challenge me to question if I would act in such formidable ways if I was in their shoes.  It's definitely not what I thought I would find in a 9-5 job and life in the big city, but I'm thrilled that I did.

So... I'm fully aware this week's post is not as interesting, but aside from work and karaoke, this week involved showering and sleeping. I didn't have time for much more until Saturday. Saturday I finally got to meet up with Marion for brunch and it was great to catch up! After that, I felt like I needed to stay outside of the apartment and enjoy being outside while I could.  Since it was... you know... FREEZING, I knew I had to keep moving. So I walked... and walked.. and walked.  Next thing I knew I was at Washington Square Park (4th)... I started on West 84th.... I definitely got a lovely walk and enjoyed the city, but my legs were worn out! I headed back up on the subway and decided to go into the Barnes and Noble on the corner of my apartment. And I was shocked!!! I found people everywhere sitting on the ground reading! It was great!!!! I picked up a book and when I realized it 2 hours had gone by!!! At around 7:30 I headed back home and enjoyed my amazing bed!

Now it's Sunday and I've been washing clothes, making chilli, and getting ready to go grocery shopping.  The excitement is astounding.... so I better go.  I have to get quarters before the banks close or I won't be able to do laundry!!!

Work. My Not So Cheesy NYC Movie.

What a week!!!!! Amy warned me it would be busy. Everyone warned me it was busy season and it would be... you know... busy.  But jeez!!! I didn't see it coming! Not like this!

I talk about how my life reminds me of cheesy movies without the cheesy, but guys... the struggle is real.  All these pretty people look so glamorous going to work in their fancy coats, making a difference, blah, blah, blah.. but y'all... You have to get up every morning and try to make yourself look presentable and then you have to struggle to just meet deadlines.  Real life = not glamorous.  

[WARNING, this could get graphic]  

First struggle daily. The alarm.  When you are at the office working until 11 pm. Seven o'clock feels ridiculously early! When am I supposed to shower? Um... don't think these people want to sit with me in a tiny conference room without me showering... So... when? Ok, fine midnight it is! That will mean my hair will be halfway dry in the morning and the struggles will only involve getting rid of frizz, huge bags under my eyes, and the exhausted look I've perfected over the years.  The later the nights... the more the makeup.  Except for you know... Wednesday, when I forgot to finish my makeup and just walked out the door. Poor people at work.

Second struggle of the day.  Yeah... I love the subway and I love my walk to the subway, but... to go to the client site, there was also a bit of a walk involved. Not too long, BUT, if you add the big bag I use to put my boots once I change into my heels and the huge laptop case and the paper work... yeah it's a long day. So Monday I walked.  I was fresh and ready for the new adventure.  New building in a  tiny conference room, but WITH 5 very funny guys that were very helpful and patient during my time there this week.  Monday, I was so well rested!!!! 

I was a bit concerned about the week because after my first two weeks, I felt the stress coming on the rest of the team.  Now, if there's something I am horrible at doing, it is watching other people stress. I hate it. I don't like not being able to help someone that's struggling!! And believe me, when you are an intern, all you are really good at is being a burden of questions on the actually busy people.  This week though... it was busy for me too!! I spent the week helping one of the 'Staff 2's' with his work.  If you'd asked me to do this 2 weeks ago, I think I would have cried, but this week... I even started to enjoy it! I like understanding what I'm doing!!! Although... I still asked a trillion questions and probably drove everyone crazy.  But they are just the best!!! If I had to describe the team (both at the client site and in our office) in 4 words, I would use: patient, sweet, funny, and helpful!  Oh yeah... maybe young too.  They are the best, and I am the luckiest.

Anyway... my days involved a LOT of work, late night till after 11... and lots of laughing.  But back to the daily struggle bus they skip in all these cheesy movies.  Tuesday felt like a joke.  I stayed up until 1 on Monday finishing some work and I woke up at 5 to finish it. No, no one asked me to do such a crazy thing, but... I really wanted to get that task done so we could keep going and didn't get behind.  So, I did it.  But by the time I was presentable and ready to go... there was no way I was walking with all my stuff. Soooo when that lovely yellow cab drove by... I took the chance and went for it!  Wednesday and Thursday turned out to be pretty similar as well... but what was I to do?  I legit didn't feel ok with my new schedule until Thursday.  When I got home at 11:40pm and realized I wasn't dead, I thought... I guess I could get used to this.  Do I want to? Still not sure.

Twice this week I also had that "Devil Wears Prada" moment when you have to take something from one office to the other and everything that could delay you happens.  Oh you know... the subway closes for construction, option 2 subway stops between two stations, and a taxi is out of the question because all the roads by the office are closed for the Super Bowl crap which has made that area an amusement park full of tourist without a care in the world... AKA they don't care that you have somewhere to be and you need to be there fast so you can get back to your Excel file in the other office. Jeez!  Anyway, as I was stuck in the subway for the second time trying to get back, I started thinking about that part in the movie where Anne Hathaway has to go get an early edition of Harry Potter or something and started laughing to myself, which led to some priceless staring.

Ok... so on Friday we ended up going back to work from the office on Times Square, so it was subway time again! I was actually feeling ok, which was a lot better than every other morning.  Maybe, it was the idea that soon I'd be back in bed... soonish... right? Anyway more work awaited me at the office, I did make it home before 11, and I did pass out on my bed.

Saturday was like recovering from the flu or something. I still can't figure out if I'm getting sick or just exhausted.  Either way...  I slept way too late and lounged.  Went to pick up some dry cleaning, dropped some more off, I shopped for ingredients to bake cookies for the office, and then lounged around watching Sex and the City with my roommate. Funny.  I'm aware. 

Conclusion... if my currently life was portrayed in a movie...Now, who would go watch that movie? No one, and that is why my life is NOT a cheesy movie.  But I do love it anyway! I wouldn't watch it, but I love living it... so I guess it works! A couple of extra sleeping hours wouldn't hurt though... right? 

A Coffee Shop Update

I'm back!!!!! Another week of work has passed. Unbelievable.  This week was more about getting into a routine and getting to know the team.  My daily routine keeps me thinking back to cheesy Netflix movies featuring Hillary Duff or someone equivalent... It freaks me out daily. No, my life is not as interesting and it definitely does not involve the interesting love life or cheesy story lines in my favorite movies, but it has New York. Ok... maybe that's all it has in common, but still.  I'm perfectly happy with it!



One would think that week two would be less nerve racking... but, it kind of wasn't.   Monday felt like another day 1....  It was week three though!!! Waking up was absolutely terrible! But the walk to the subway ALWAYS makes it better.  I love seeing the same people waiting for the subway and watching the same commuters on my cart.  This week I watched one lady make it through over half of Street Lawyer.  I saw her almost every day! Except for Wednesday... yeah I was running late Wednesday.  I hate not being able to roll out of bed, throw on a sweatshirt, and run out the door. It takes so much thought to look presentable for work and even more thought with this cold!!!!!



Monday was full off different projects, so I wasn't able to finish organizing the binders! Sad day!! On my way out, however, the team was ordering dinner.  I didn't, but as soon as they delivered it... I wished I had... Y'all.... I don't know where those burgers came from but I wanted some sooooooo bad!!!!!!!! I left desperate enough to consider stopping at McDonalds for dinner.  But I didn't, instead, I made a quick stop at the grocery store and got a delicious sandwich. But then.... I made it to the apartment and found my roommate making burgers.  Um... WHAT?!?!?! Perfection.  She is the best and made the most delicious burgers for us! Moments like this make me think I'm clearly where I'm supposed to be.  Yes people... I'm just talking about burgers.



Tuesday was supposed to snow, but the weather predicted like 1 inch, so I didn't think anything of it.  I went to work without my snow boots and by 10 am quickly realized that I had made a horrible mistake.  From our corner office we watched the constant, strong, heavy, snow fall from around 10 to 6 when I left.  It was sooooo cold and I was sooo not prepared.  The morning was slow at work, but by lunch time I was knee deep into a project that will take about 2 weeks.  So… by the time it was 7, those of us that didn’t have a long commute home couldn’t decide if it was smarter to stay and wait for the snow to stop or venture out before it stopped.  I decided to leave at 6, mid snowstorm.  The streets were empty, there was no one in sight, which is very rare considering I work in the middle of Times Square. It was a beautiful sight.  The sidewalks were completely clean on Times Square and the subway station was almost empty.   The subway was clean and also almost empty… but as soon as I got off on the upper west side I found about a foot of snow.  What was I wearing, you ask?  Oh you know… just flats.  Casual.  No sock, no nothing.  Might was well have been barefoot.  The 4 streets and 1 avenue really felt long…. But I made it and as usual just fell onto my bed.

Wednesday was going to be a long day… I knew it.  Lots of snow, lots of work, and then a work dinner.  Eek.  I’m probably the only 23 year old-old that dreads a free dinner, when it means a late night in the cold.  But… work was busy (much better than when there’s nothing to do) and stressful.  At 6, we all walked over to the restaurant, Keen’s.  Look it up, it’s a great, famous steakhouse.  The two partners on the engagement team planned this dinner for all 30+ team members and had rented a room for us with a special menus with a thank you note inside, bottomless wine and beer, and a great atmosphere.  I was slightly terrified for the dinner, because… after all…. These people all know each other, and I am the only intern.  And… I’m 1 of 2 new people.  It was a bit scary.


The start of the dinner was basically standing around chatting. Which was awk, because I only knew the people in my room… and lets be honest, we had been talking all day, so there really wasn’t much more to talk about.  Hahahha just kidding!  They really are great!  I ended up sitting at a table where the partner I met 2 summers ago sat.  He made the night pretty funny.  He had us going around signing a card in all the languages we could speak and then telling personal stories that had us all laughing.  He is great!   The purpose of the dinner was to have a last hurrah before busy season starts, and I think it worked!  At one point he stood up and started talking to the whole room about the busy months ahead.  He asked people to speak up about their concerns and people followed…. There were lots of worried people, but there were also lots of encouraging words about teamwork and flexibility of schedules.  It was great!  Then he started having people come up and speak…. Lots did… and then he said, “well… we can’t end this evening without having a few words from our intern.” OHHHHHH CRAP!!!!! What now??? They asked me how long I was staying with the team and when I said March 12^th, they freaked.  “What? You leave in the last two weeks of busy season!! No fair?!?! Can’t you stay??” Then the partners started saying, “well you have to come back March 28^th to celebrate with us!!! You have to fly up! We can see about expensing it!”  I was cracking up. I quickly said something about how wonderful the team has been and how helpful their patience has been (which is 100% true) and then they let me sit down… Whew.. nerve racking.  By 10:30 people were on their way out.  And then… the senior managers said the after party was at the Fiddler. WHAT?!?!?! No!! I have so much work tomorrow, how in the world can these people go out and stay out late and then show up to work at 9.  No way!   I escaped and tried to chase down a taxi for what felt like forever. It was late and it was late!!! Luckily I got to catch up with Amy, my best friend since forever, on the phone while I struggled to get a cab.  I think I made it home at around 11:30. Soooo late.  I was so confused by the fact that people could be going out at this point.  I barely could keep my eyes open long enough to shower.  Might I add that I had a deadline for Friday!!! And so did some others.


Thursday morning I showed up to work kind of early because I was concerned about getting everything done, and I really expected to see no one. But slowly, they came in.  And early! I quickly realized that the group that actually went out was pretty small. I was so relieved; I really was starting to think these people are superhuman.   The ones that did go out were miserable, and one didn’t come in until after 12.  Whew! They are just people after all.  Thursday was soooo long. 11.5 hours of non-stop work and I didn’t even finish a fourth of what I needed to do.  After lunch, I took a break and went with another girl to Duane Reade to buy snacks for the room. After 240 dollars we went to check out.  But… they had no large shopping bags. WHAT?!?!! I was ready to call it quit and return to work snackless, because I really had a LOT to do.  But, instead, the other girl stood her ground.  She said, “what do you mean you have no bags? We are about to pay $250…. Find some bags.  There are Duane Reade’s on every corner. Can’t someone bring some??? Can we see your manager?”  I was so impressed.  The manager came and said he was sorry and came back with two bags and gave us a bag they sell (for free).  When we were walking out I turned to my co-worker (she is my age) and said… “um… I’m so impressed, I would have left…”  She couldn’t’ believe it.  She was laughing so hard and kept saying, “you have to stand your ground! You cant just let that stuff get you!” After we made it back I told the room about our adventure, and I was thrilled to see that others felt the same way as I did.   I just cannot do confrontation! Glad she was there, because I would have returned to a hungry room without any food… I have to learn! That night, I left at 9 and was going to walk home, but it was too cold and late to walk the 40 streets and 2 avenues up….. Another day.  


Friday started early again.  The subway was packed!!! I felt trapped between people… smelly people.  But I got to work early and started my never ending work. I was interrupted by one of the managers who is on a 3 year rotation from the Netherlands. (Side note: her parents were Chinese in Vietnam and escaped to the Netherlands during the war. Their other option was Uruguay! Howe funny!) She interrupted because she wants to learn Spanish and I told her how during my time Germany I really wanted to learn Dutch.  So… she made it a rule that every day we would all learn a phrase in the languages represented in the room.  The first phrase, “Good morning, how are you?”  We put it up on the board and by the end of the day we had German, Spanish, Dutch, Chinese, Korean, Greek, Russian, and French. I think this will last about a week, but hey! We will all learn something!   Oh! Also… we will take a break because next week I will be at the client site… UGH! Once I really felt comfortable, here goes something new! I was promised that from the beginning.  The partner said, “as soon as someone feel comfortable with what they’re doing at the firm, we promote them so that they are again challenged.”  Ugh well I’m not promoted, but I’m certainly out of my comfort zone again.  New people, new office, new routine. Another adventure next week!


At around 6 or 6:30, I headed home with work left to do over the weekend.  I have a pretty big deadline on Thursday and in order to be ready to meet that deadline, I had some work to do over the weekend.  It turned out ok, because I headed home early! Once at home my roommate and I ordered some Chipotle and I headed to pick it up.  I had never had it and neither had she! We were pretty impressed and ate it over some Scandal! Gosh I love that show!!! 

I’ve named Saturday my recovery day! I don’t sleep past 10, because I don’t want to get my schedule off, but Saturday is my “lazy/cleaning day.”  I woke up at 9:30, and started my day. First on the list was grocery shopping.  So I headed out to Trader Joe’s, which was so packed that there was a line outside.  Miserable! But it was quick and they have great stuff! From there, I headed back and started laundry downstairs.  The building has washers and dryers that you can pay for in the basement!  While the laundry was downstairs, I washed my delicates upstairs, vacuumed, and straightened up my room.  Then… I started my work for the office.  Oh! And I got my syllabus for the internship class, so I started my work for that as well.  Quite productive!  


At night, my roommate made a thyme chicken, roasted vegetables, a delicious salad with homemade salad dressing, and brownies! We chatted while she cooked and then had a lovely dinner! Did I mention I hit the jackpot? I am trying to come up with something to make for next week! I’m really slacking! So far I’ve just made her crepes and mushroom and tomato cous cous.  I’m going to have to start thinking! Recommendations are welcomed!!!  After dinner we started watching one of her movies on itunes, but at around midnight it stopped downloading, and we headed to bed. 

Today was kind of a crazy morning and then I made a trip to the grocery story. Oh yea! My roommate recommended that I make a stop to look at a coat at the neighborhood’s goodwill and I went and it was a freakin brand new, $400 coat, priced at $40!!! And it was soooo cheap!!! Definitely bought it.  She swears by that goodwill, because she says it is where all compulsive buyers in the upper west side dump their unused clothes.  I mean.. I’ll buy into it! I’m a coataholic.  I’ll take it to the cleaners tomorrow! So pumped.  Now… it’s snowing again… and I’m sitting at a coffee shop!  The usual.  I really wish it would stop snowing though! And it’s supposed to snow tomorrow too!!!!!! UGH! Hahaha, I’m not going to lie though… It is a wonderful sight from inside any coffee shop!


Ok… so this week was just a work week. And I have a feeling the next months will be just work weeks with Saturdays at work, but I like it.  I really do.   I really like the people and I feel like everything fits.  I knew I was in the right place when on day 1 the girls at work started to talk about the Bachelor.  Ok, yes… I’m that lame.  And sidenote… yes… I’m really upset that today I will miss watching Sean and Catherine’s wedding life.  They will have to put it up on Hulu or something … or I will be devastated!!!!!! Hahaha. I digress. I love the sarcasm in the office and the patience that everyone has.  I feel like although everyone is very different, everyone is the same.  Am I making sense?

My days are also constantly entertaining due to the people I cross on the streets and see on the subway.  Yesterday I crossed a woman who was relentlessly apologizing to her 3 year old for having crossed the street when the light still said do not cross.  She kept saying “I know, I’m sorry, you’re right, we should never cross when the light is not green. I know…”  It was so cute!  I also enjoy being able to help lost tourists find their way to central park, it is sooo entertaining!!! I’m sure this gets old fast, but I love it so far!!! Oh… also today, I walked past a man who was clearly advertising for one of the hundred standup comedy shows… He stopped a lady and said, “are you a fan of sit-down tragedies?”  It didn’t hit me until after I walked past him, but I soon realized his next line was probably, “well if you aren’t, then you should come to our standup comedy show.” I legitimately laughed to myself for the next block. So funny!!!  

Anyway,  I just wanted to keep you guys posted and not get behind! Nothing too interesting!  I am making it my goal to start doing more stuff around the city, but considering the fact that busy season starts tomorrow, I can’t promise anything! I am going to start making plans thought!!! In the next weeks, I will be purchasing tickets for “If/Then” with Idina Menzel  and “Les Miserables” for my last day in the city in March.  Usually I wait and get cheap tickets, but these are the two shows that I am just dying to see, and since I haven’t really had time to see much, I am making myself buy them in advance so I CANNOT miss them! I will be getting good seats and I cannot wait!

Well, I’m off into the snow again!!! Hopefully next week will be more interesting!